11 weeks and counting
We've reached 11 weeks... I find myself feeling a bit startled arriving at this "mile marker" so soon! It is just one week before that so-called cutoff date. I've learned through friends that 12 weeks is when a mother & father need to be rolling with a schedule for their baby. Any time after 12 weeks is supposed to be difficult to fix any "bad habits" we have with a baby. So, at 11 weeks I'm trying not to freak out.
My baby, Norah Kate (NKPeanut, as Auntie Nennette so affectionately calls her), has sort-of created her own schedule. Seems pretty good to me, but the hours are not predictable. Do they need to be?
Oh yeah, and she doesn't like to sleep by herself. Not at all...not during the day...not during the night...not ever! Unless she's sleeping so heavily that nothing can wake her, she will stir, wimper, then cry full voice until someone joins her or picks her up.
Today I had the Peanut in her sling while I took apart the bassinet that was sitting beside our bed (which she slept in only 20% of the time). I am in the process of transferring her monitor system to her crib, removing all of the stuffed animals in order to launder the sheet again and pray that she'll like her crib this week. Am I ready? Not sure.
So I am admitting that I am not sticking to the schedule and crib training that I thought I would before she was born. I was so convinced that I would be training her to be an independent baby that would sleep when put down and eat on the hour prescribed. Now I'm discovering that it is understandable for a baby to want to be with someone all of the time. They are helpless and unsure...they need to feel safe and secure. As many books say, there are so many cultures that strap on their babies until they can walk. Those babies don't seem to have colic (whatever that REALLY is). Her personality requires much more attention than our society has deemed normal for a "good baby" and actually reflects how both Mike & I were when we were babies!
2 comments:
I can relate to what you have said. Everybody at the time told me that Babywise was the only way to go. So, that is what I tried to achieve. Fortunately, Sierra decided she liked that idea and pretty much did it on her own. I was pretty much let go of the task. She is pretty well-adjusted but NOW at 3 1/2 yrs old likes to have me with her when she goes to sleep. Was she deprived as a baby and now desires the extra attention? My second child is now 20 months old and whatever goes. We sort of went with the flow (what ever worked) and she has been quite easy. However, at times she likes to wake up in the middle of the night to snuggle with mommy and daddy, which we allow. What is the best? Who really knows. We went to hear the author of the "Boundries" books, John Townsend and he said that you can not spoil a child enough in the first year. The child knows what he/she needs and you need to follow her ques. What I say is...if you can live with what you allow to take place than it works and you are doing what is best. My advise is stay relaxed and calm, without being anxious, and enjoy every precious moment you have with Norah. What a blessing a child is.
Oh boy...so many thoughts going through my mind right now!
First, it's so good to hear that you are enjoying her, Nit, and giving her what she needs. Love, care, attention.
A baby learns to feel trust and safety in the world based upon how she is responded to by her parents. Little by litte, she will be able to wait for things because she has learned that her parents will respond to her and her needs will be met. I truly believe that comfort and attention are legitimate needs for a baby to have and should be met by those caring for them. Is it always convenient? No. Is it always at the right time? No. But it's still felt and it's still legitimate. As they get older, they will learn to wait for things. Nothing is set in stone, no matter how bad it may look. Habits can change even if it does take some effort. She has her needs and you figure out how best to meet them for you and your family. She doesn't have to be independent yet. Soon, she will want to be able to stretch out in her sleep so she won't want to be held all the time. Independence is a gradual process just as everything else is. She will venture out on her own, little by little, as she feels safe in her world. You can do things to encourage it at different times, but it's a gradual thing. Like, having her outside the shower while you wash up. Or leaving her to play or look at something by herself while you do something you need or want to do. There will be time for the babies to be on their own and you know what? They'll be happy, too. All in good time. All in good time. You learn as you go and adjust for what is needed. Sometimes you adjust what the baby expects, and sometimes you adjust your own expectations.
As for a schedule, that too will come. It may not always be the same cause babes will need things at different times. It will be different when they're teething, or going through a growth spurt, or even learning to crawl or walk. They may be more interested in that then eating, for instance, so you figure out how to make it work. The more flexible you're able to be the better. Routine is what I like. There are certain things we do everyday, in roughly the same order. But we're flexible to allow for deviances. We have to be with 3 kids.
Don't ask me about sleeping, though. I have no wisdom on sleeping through the night whatsoever. I have tried different things with each of my kids, some working at different times, others not. I do feel like I have given them what they needed and they are fully bonded to me despite my only having a few hours with them a day. Perhaps my babies needed me more during the night because I wasn't there during the day. I don't know. They each have slept in my bed at different times and they also slept in the crib. It did not hinder their ability to sleep on their own as they've gotten older. In fact, Lauren asks to go to bed right now. She is definitely in tune with her body and fortunately does not fight it yet! Sleep WILL come - that is something even I can guarantee!! They all sleep through the night eventually. Each family has to decide what works for them before that happens and be able to live with it.
You only have this little of an infant, in this one baby, this one time. Try to enjoy it as much as possible. It will never be like this again. You're creating memories that you can hold onto in your heart of this time. And as your little girl grows, remember that you don't know what her first memory is going to be or when it will happen. What do you want her to remember when that time comes? Granted, for most of us, its not till 'round 3, but you get the point! Ryan can remember my rocking him to sleep and although I did that for much longer than I thought I would, it's not something I regret.
And just a note on Babywise - research! There is so much online about that program and its author now, both good and bad. I think the good things in the book can be found in other ways of parenting also.
Ask the Lord to guide you in your parenting journey and He will certainly lead you to what is best. And when it gets tough, remember He'll give you the strength you need to get through it. It's but a short time in the grand scheme of things and it will pass.
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